The purgatory

Sometimes I think that maybe I was made to love, but never to be loved. I spend hours upon end asking God why everyone around me is allowed to feel loved, but not me. Why do I not get that privilege? Why am I not allowed to experience it? What could I possibly have done in another lifetime to deserve this? Whatever it was, it must have been something so unforgivable that made even the devil repent for my sins. Maybe God refused to take me back, and so I was left in the purgatory. Unwanted by either. Left in the waiting room between, watching everyone else pass through. Because maybe this is the worst punishment of all. Watching others have what you cannot.