please don't tell my mother

please don't tell my mother. when she asks if i'm okay and i look down, tilting my head with that nonchalant smile as i sigh gently to comfort her question. please don't tell her the truth. when she walks in on me crying and i wipe the tears and pretend i just finished a sad movie, please don't tell her it's a lie. please, i beg of you, do not tell my mother of the pain i silently endure. do not clue her in as it will break her inside. i do not want the woman who gave me life to know that i tried to take it away. i do not need to see the desperation in her eyes for me to finally give in to the pills on offer like a candy shop. i do not want her to sit awake with me all night making sure i'm still alive by morning. i do not need to add to the sorrows of a tired woman. i do not need to hear her sobbing in the bathroom. i do not want her to know the things i've suffered as she will only blame herself for not noticing. so i beg of you, please don't tell my mother.