anger.

for as long as i can remember, i’ve always been so consumed by this anger. like every inch of me is completely and utterly filled with this raging anger. blood boiling, fist clenching, teeth gritting, heart thumping anger. i am angry at the world. do not ask me why. because i do not know. i do not know where to start. there are too many reasons to pick from. maybe it's because everyone i have ever cared about has left me. maybe it's because my present parents were always emotionally absent. maybe it's because i'm afraid that i may just be entirely unlovable. maybe because i feel so deeply and so intensely to the point where it only hurts me. maybe it's people who don't say please or thank you. maybe it's the feeling in the gut of your stomach when you're excited about something and you're told to lower your voice. maybe it's the feeling when your socks seam doesn't quite feel right on your toes. hell, maybe it's just because someone thought it would be a good idea to put pineapple on pizza. i do not know. but everything in this world makes my skin burn red hot with the feelings of anger that fill up inside of me. and i hate it. i hate that i'm such an angry person all the time. i hate that others notice it. i hate that others comment on it. when asked "why are you so aggressive? why are you always so angry? why do you always look mad?" i don't know how to respond. my heart breaks just a little more, my shoulders slouch, my eyebrows soften, i shrug and try to force a gentle smile with a side of sarcastic humour. because i don't know how to explain to people, that i was raised in a house where love was masked as anger. i don't mean the things i say, it's just the only way i was taught to communicate. if i could change, i would. and trust me, i've tried. but i can't. so how a face so pure, holds a soul so dark, i will never know.