self support

all my life i have been so self dependent, i found it difficult to rely on other people because every time i did, it only got me hurt, it only ended in pain. i never had a support system. it was just me. when your hurting, you bandage your own scars, you wipe your own tears, you pick yourself back up. because no one else was going to do it for you. so now when people ask; "why don't you let anyone in? why don't you open up or let anyone help you?", how do i reply? i don't know what to say or how to explain that i simply can't. i refuse to let anyone help because when they leave, and they will, it might kill me a little more inside, which i can't afford. so i guess its easier just to get your head down and deal with it, because at the end of the day, no one cares. no one really cares enough to sit and listen to your shit, they can't do anything to change it, so why waste time moping around. i believe letting someone in, is practically suicide. you’re simply signing your own death certificate and handing it over to the grim reaper himself. why put yourself through the pain all over again. just get up and keep moving. because you’re the only person that can't leave you, as much as you may want to, you’re stuck with yourself. so sort your shit and keep your chin high. no one has to know. keep it private and don't let them see you weak.