fuck you x

the way i painted beautiful shades of glitter across my eyelids. the hair i so delicately took hours on for it to look just perfect, the dress i carefully picked out, elegant and classy yet still enough to tease. i tried to be confident, but that was "too loud" for you, so i tried to be quieter, more respectable, i didn't drink much and danced with the kids, but that was "too boring" for you, so i tried being more exciting, i drank more and filled my lungs with smoke, but you hated that, so i stayed quiet, i sat alone with a glass of water hoping just maybe, if i waited long enough, you'd eventually ask if i'm ok to make up for the fact that you ignored me all night, but no, that was "too depressing" for you, still nothing. everything i did, was with you in mind, i desperately moulded myself to be someone you could love, but i lost myself in the process. so you don't get to change your mind anymore. i was quite literally stood in front of you draped in makeup and diamonds, asking for your attention, and you blatantly said no. and in that moment, i finally gave up. i stopped fighting for someone who didn't do the same for me, i stopped willingly letting someone drain every inch of energy left in my soul. i left you in the past. i moved on. so no, you don't get to waltz back in now asking for the love i once offered you, because the offer's off the table now. you don't get to be mad that i focused on me. or that i'm not still in pieces. because i was fighting to pull myself out of bed every morning and to keep myself alive just one more day. so a stupid boy who loved to play games with my head, was the least of my worries. it's about me now. you are so far from the last thing on my mind now, i am my first priority... me.