who am i ?

“who are you?”

that’s the million dollar question, right? the truth is, i don't know. i have absolutely and utterly no fucking clue. and as much as i hate to admit it, that scares me. i go through each day waking up and deciding which personality to put on today, because i don't know how to "just be myself". i don't know who that is, or what she looks like. i constantly change my hair, makeup, my clothes, style, what music i like, as if i'm trying desperately to fit into this unknown shape of a person. i have no clue what i want to do or where i'm going with my life. i'm trying so hard to just find something i'm good at but i just don't know what that is. i've tried everything from law and interior design to event planning, bakery and english lit. i don't know how to talk to people, how to relax or let myself switch off, i'm in a constant state of fear that i'm slowly wasting away my life and i'm afraid if i slow down i'll break. and i can't afford that again.