behind closed doors

I will never forget the moment my heart dropped. there I sat in the guidance office with my parents and teachers. a colourfully lit room with pillows and teddies. as if to mask the horrors going on behind closed doors. hundreds of rooms full of miserable, tired children being told to smile brighter, and sit up right, to straighten their ties and sit quietly. the corrupt school system acting as if they really "care". there I sat, slouched on an itchy sofa, twirling my split ends, squeezing my nails as deep into my palms as I could beneath my sleeves to hopefully drown out the sound of the groaning voices around me. until those four words broke the silence in my mind. "you're breaking your family". suddenly I broke that calm unbothered facade as my head shot up and a look of utter disgust and rage poured down my face. as if I was blamed for struggling. as if instead of helping and supporting me, these complete morons were gas lighting me, complaining, turning it back on me, for making THEIR lives difficult. what utter bullshit.