i pray now

i never believed much in god. i never had much faith. in anything. or anyone. as the years passed and seemed to only get harder as time went by, my lack of faith only grew stronger. i asked myself... if god exists, how could he possibly put someone, so young, through such excruciating pain. completely alone, i battled every challenge he threw at me. throwing it straight back in his face. if god did exist, how could he possibly allow such evil things in the world... war, hunger, poverty, sickness? until one day, i read something, "if you are still here, then you have made it through every one of your bad days". and something clicked inside of me. what if, just maybe, hypothetically, god isn't the one allowing our hardships, but giving us the strength to get through them. since then, i have changed my outlook on life. so perhaps we are all just rambling idiots talking to someone who is not there, asking to find the strength within ourselves to make it through the rest of those bad days. perhaps it is all one big game of the placebo effect. but something changed in me. i pray now. because even if he is not there listening, life is nothing without the faith of something greater than us.