fuck God's plan.

all my life, i have been surrounded by faith, religion, the idea that there is some kind of god we are supposed to answer to. being brought up catholic, i was always forced to sit through sunday masses and confession — where i was expected to tell a stranger my sins so they could judge me and give my penance. but if i'm being completely honest, i don't know if i even believe in it. i mean are you supposed to tell me that there's some big guy watching down on everything i do and that he determines whether i'm worthy of his presence and praise? that he performed miracles as if out of magic and that he created the whole world out of thin air in 6 days? i guess i've just always been more of a "see it to believe it" kind of person. i guess i don't have faith in much of anything anymore. i just think we're born as the biological outcome of some horny teens incapable of emotionally supporting a child, we live, deal with the consequences of our own actions, and eventually we die. it's the harsh reality and i don't believe in afterlife or reincarnation or any of that bullshit. i just think we die and our remains lay to rot 6 feet under or if we're lucky enough maybe in a jar on someones mantlepiece. now call me what you like, i know it may seem sinister, and i know if my family ever heard me say this i’d probably be sent to some bible camp far far away, but i just want to live and die for me, not at the expectations of someone else's plan. i want my children to know that they're supported regardless of who they love, or the endless mistakes they're bound to make. i want to know that i'm choosing my own fate and that i'm not just some background character following a script or falling into the storyline. i want to live for me.