I love me more.

i hate that saying. when people say "you can't love someone else without loving yourself first". what bullshit. because i hated every inch of my being, but you... oh wow. words could never even begin to describe the love i felt coursing through my burning veins when i looked at that smile. i would have set myself on fire a million times over, if it meant keeping you alive. the pain, the torture, the heartache, would have all been worth it. because you... you. you were my only thought. the only thing in my swirling mind. the centre of my universe. the thing keeping the world turning and the sun shining. you were my only light. until that light suddenly went out. because the second i started finding my own light, the one i buried so deep down inside of me, you got darker, you got further and further to the back of my mind, until eventually you seemed... almost ordinary. it was my love that made you so special. so maybe what they really meant by the saying, was that you can't love someone else, and yourself, equally. because loving you, meant you were my only priority, and i think somewhere deep inside of me, i was unaware, but i resented myself for not loving me more. because at the end of the day, i was there for me through it all, not you. where were you? i’m sorry that you're no longer worth the pain of hating myself. so now i smile at the rolls that fold over my stomach in the mirror, i wipe my own tears, i buy myself pretty flowers, i enjoy the simple pleasures of a bottle of wine while making dinner, baking a heart shaped cake all for myself, taking walks in the rain, admiring the sunlight peeking through the blinds, feeling the breeze between my fingertips. so i admit, they were right in a sense. i love me more now.